Do you struggle to set your own personal boundaries? Are you everyone’s go to person for advise when they are in crisis? Are you constantly saying ‘yes’ to other people’s demands at the expense of your own happiness and time management? Do you feel you are constantly taking on too much and not leaving enough time for yourself?
Well, chances are you have fallen into the trap of inappropriately saying ‘yes’ to other people’s demands of you. Failing to set your own personal boundaries is a common mishap and can leave you feeling unproductive and constantly busy.
Ask yourself these questions honestly: What do you believe saying ‘no’ to someone will imply about you? What are the consequences of you saying ‘no’ to someone?
If your answers suggest you believe that saying ‘no’ to your friends and loved ones means you are being selfish or the consequence may be that they think you’re lazy, don’t care or won’t like you anymore then chances are you’re the kind of person who needs some help setting realistic boundaries for yourself.
Try replacing that old belief with one or more of these:
- "Saying ‘no’ is the appropriate response to an adult who is respecting his or her own exhaustibility or boundaries."
- "Saying ‘no’ is a powerful thing to do by a balanced person."
- "People who are realistic will accept being turned down and appreciate that you have the right to say ‘no’."
- "People respect those who can say ‘no’."
A helpful way forward for not saying ‘yes’ to everything is to break the cycle early. For example, when you are asked to do something, give yourself a chance to think by saying an automatic response such as “I need a little time to think if I can fit this in” or “I need to think if I can commit to this for you, so I can give it my full attention and be fully present and able to be my best for you”.
Once you get used to auto responding, by stopping and letting people know you need time, they will not only respect your time much more but also respect your loyalty and commitment to how you help others and the best thing is, you will be able to maintain a strong sense of your own truth without compromise and make wise decisions that are in the interests of you and your friends so that win-win situations can be created for both sides of the fence, every time!